I was reading a little bit about Trump’s background, and one aspect of him that stands out rather prominently is his avoidance of alcohol.
Wine was good enough for Jesus. Apparently, for the Cheeto Messiah, he’s waiting for something better.
So, my recommendation to Trump is that he start drinking. It will give him not only an excuse for his erratic behavior, but also a reason as to why he can’t remember it.
Donnie Two Scoops, you’re not as seasoned a drinker as I am, so I think you should start with frosty ice cream based drink, maybe a Brandy Alexander, then move on to frozen drinks that lack the dairy, a pina colada or a margarita. You’ll have to learn to look over the names of these two drinks, just look at them as drinks with work visas and you’ll find a way to justify their presence in America like an underpaid Polish housekeeper.
After that, you’ll need to acquire a taste for beer. Start with a blue-collar domestic (Pabst Blue Ribbon, Coors, Heileman’s Old Style), then, over time, work up to micros. When you can handle a beer over 60 IBU’s, come see me for a departure into my favorite styles, Belgian Farm Ales and Saisons.
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When your testicles descend, we can graduate to bourbons, ryes, and single-malt scotch.
Yeah, we might be waiting awhile.
Peace, y’all
